Get Your Likka On*

*A million thanks to my friend, Lance, who came up with the idea for this post and the title

To be sung to the tune of 'Put Your Records On' by Corrine Rae Bailey:

Three small glasses all filled with Bordeaux
And they told me I don't need to hurry
Listening to my rowdy sons
Not sweet
Little boys are sent to play in the street

Maybe sometimes, we got it wrong, but it's alright
The more things seems to change, the more they stay the same
Oh, don't you hesitate

Girl, get your likka on, turn up your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Cashmere and shredded jeans, a drunken beauty queen
Just go ahead, let your hair down
You’re gonna get buzzed tonight, somehow

Don’t question why, please just let me be
Drinking gin in the bar by the roadside
(just relax, just relax)
Don’t you let those non-drinkers fool you
Let likka be your where and who

Maybe sometimes, we feel afraid, but it's alright
The more you stay the same, the more they seem to change
Don't you think it's strange?

Girl, get your likka on, turn up your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Cashmere and shredded jeans, a drunken beauty queen
Just go ahead, let your hair down
You’re gonna get buzzed tonight, somehow

Just more than I could take, boozin’ for boozin’s sake
Some nights kept me awake, God--I wish I was younger
I’m tired of being a prize, I just don’t even want to try any longer
Drink what you want to

Girl, get your likka on, turn up your favorite song
You go ahead, let your hair down
Cashmere and shredded jeans, a drunken beauty queen
Just go ahead, let your hair down
You're gonna get buzzed tonight, somehow

Ode to the Day Drunk

Some think of inebriation as a nighttime thing
Though some days require an adult beverage fling
Sometimes noon time is the witching hour
A pop of the cork dismisses willpower
It is five o'clock somewhere
Says the girl who enjoys a dare
The call of an intoxicant is strong
Seductive as a siren's song
Is drinking during daylight
Some sort of defense--like fight or flight?
To the nonbelievers I implore: Try it you'll like it
Just how much would be difficult to admit
Fuck tradition
There is power in submission
Sunshine drinking
Is for the free thinking
Drinking sunshine
Is beyond divine

Bring the 'Pagne

Champagne
Hurts my brain
Even bottles that are mad expensive
Put my blood cells on the defensive
It doesn't matter if you have Cristal or Dom
Champagne does nothing but destroy my calm
The bubbles go straight to my head
In a matter of minutes, I'm dancing like a coed
The carbonation
Is the beginning of my damnation
'Pagne is deceptive
Unfortuantely, I'm always receptive
Its golden color, its tease-y taste
The way my decorum gets erased
I've paid my bubbly dues
I've sang the Veuve blues
Champagne needs to stop ringing my bell
Answering the call makes me unwell

Chardonnay

The color of liquid gold
Appealing as a centerfold
Just as forward and full bodied
Drinkable food, mind feed
A sip starts the vehicle
Promising a tipsy tickle
Manicured nails tap at the crystal stem
Waiting to invoke mayhem
The finish chills
Thrills
Is bracing
Self-effacing
Empty bottles line up like soldiers--front line
Thinking of days past, roses and wine

Grey Goose

I keep two grey goose minis at the bottom of my purse
To alleviate the dullness of the Mommy universe
Grey goose over ice
With a possible lemon slice
This drink owns authenticity
Is genius in its simplicity
To the casual observer my choice looks benign
Like I'm drinking water that makes me feel divine
No matter where I'm headed
You can bet I won't be clearheaded
Cub scouts, the movies or a play date
The minis are with me, my advocate
I don't need complicated mixers or suspicious tools
Just the vodka, ice, and a healthy dose of cool

Nyquil

When I'm sick I don't mess around
The best remedy is simple, not at all profound
A bottle of Nyquil is all it takes
To kick my sick and get rid of the ache
It doesn't hurt that Nyquil tastes like Jager
I can get it down with nary a wager
Once taken, my world turns psychedelic
And worthy of it's own groovy biopic
The syrup makes me feel invincible
Like I could hunt down dinner and shoot to kill
Why is Nyquil available over the counter?
It's just a matter of time before my side effect encounter
Nyquil should be kept under lock and key
If not for you, then at least for me